The Superior Wife Experiment

Is He Being Difficult on Purpose?

2009-09-29T07:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, either my husband got wind of this blog or he's been put under some sort of Eastwick-like spell.

He's being so fantastic this week, which is making my plan to destroy him via blog very difficult to execute.

Every night this week, he's been making it home in time for dinner, eating with the family, cleaning up the dishes while I do bath and then getting to work on the shelves I've been after him to build for 4 months.

Last night he even remembered a dinner commitment we had made last week - one that I had completely forgotten.

Something has gone really wrong. But I guess I can't complain.

Don't Despair, She Says

2009-09-25T12:06:00.001-07:00

I've made it through the introduction of The Superior Wife Syndrome, and I'm now convinced that Ms. Rubenstein has been living in my walk-in closet, basing her entire book on my husband and I.

So far, this book couldn't be more on-point or relevant to our marriage.

I chose to look at this as a positive. Obviously there are lots and lots of women who are going through the same thing as me... a growing resentment of and a plummeting respect for the men they fell in love with.

Although the author warns readers who meet the description of a Superior Wife not to despair, I've already begun to do so.

And here's why...

Toward the end of the introduction, the author says that I can rehabilitate my marriage, but that it will have to be a team effort - that I'll have to convince my husband of the importance of that rehabilitation and get him to participate.

But earlier in the intro she explains that the husbands in these marriages don't typically own up to their role in the creation of the Superior-Inferior dynamic. I'd definitely say my betrothed would fall into this category of denial.

So how am I supposed to convince him that he needs to do more while I do less, if he doesn't even agree that he's doing less in the first place.

I hope she has some good suggestions for me... I am all ears. Or eyes, rather. I didn't buy the book on tape. Maybe I should have.

It's All in the Attitude

2009-09-25T08:46:00.000-07:00

When I first heard about The Superior Wife Syndrome on The Today Show, I couldn't wait to buy it.

But not because I thought it could improve my marriage... I just wanted to rip it apart.

After all, the premise of the book (written right there on the front cover) is that women need to work at "dumbing themselves down," being less superior -- all to save their marriages. Well, that was my read of "Why Women Do Everything So Well and Why -- for the Sake of Our Marriages -- We've Got to Stop."

What? Crazy talk.

But then I got to thinking that my own marriage -- one that hasn't even met the 10-year mark -- is truly suffering. And if I brought my tear-this-book-to-shreads attitude to it, there was zero chance it could help.

So, although it goes counter to every ounce of my superior being, I'm going to give this a go. I'm going to listen to everything this author has to say with an open mind and an eager spirit.

Because frankly, we need help. And because I do everything else in my marriage, it's fitting that I be the one to take charge of healing it.

Why All the Anonymity

2009-09-25T08:31:00.001-07:00

Well for starters, I plan to do a lot of really bitchy bitching about my husband in this blog. So, in the interest of really giving this experiment -- the one in which I attempt to level the marriage playing field between myself and Inferior Husband -- I want to keep his name out of it.

Second, I'm so jealous of all those anonymous commenters who run wild on blogs, saying just exactly what they're thinking without fear of someone "judging" them (well, not the "real" them anyway). I want a turn.

My third and final reason is sex. I anticipate a lot of sex talk, and I want to be brutally honest with the way this experiment is going without worrying about hurting or grossing out loved ones.

I don't want to skeve out my sister-in-law with talk about her brother's bedroom habits. I don't want to worry that my own mother is blushing her way through my posts. And, of course, I don't want my dad to even know we have sex. Clearly my kids were conceived immaculately.

For the record, I have no affiliation with the book, its author or publisher. In fact, they have no earthly clue I'm documenting my experience with the book.

I'm not terribly good at secrets, so the chances of me actually maintaining this blog under a veil are pretty slim. Wish me luck!